How can you tell if a friendship is toxic?
Signs of a toxic friendship
Toxic friendships are marked by patterns of behavior that harm your well-being. You might feel anxious before seeing them, or notice that you're always the one initiating contact and offering support. They may criticize you, compete with you, or dismiss your feelings.
Other red flags include gossiping about you, breaking promises, and making everything about them. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells or constantly apologize, that's a sign something is off. Healthy friendships should feel supportive and balanced.
- They make you feel bad about yourself.
- They don't respect your boundaries or privacy.
- They're only there for you when they need something.
- They create drama and then play the victim.
- They undermine your successes or ignore your good news.
- You feel exhausted or relieved when you don't see them.
What to do about it
If you suspect toxicity, try talking to your friend about how you feel. Use 'I' statements, like 'I feel hurt when you cancel plans last minute.' A true friend will listen and try to change. If they dismiss your concerns or blame you, that's a red flag.
If the behavior continues, consider distancing yourself. You don't need a dramatic confrontation—just gradually reduce contact. Surround yourself with people who uplift you. It's okay to end a friendship that harms your mental health.
Common mistakes
- Confusing a rough patch with toxicity—all friendships have ups and downs.
- Staying in a toxic friendship because you've known each other for years.
- Blaming yourself for their behavior instead of recognizing it's their choice.
